Those three words
There are three words many of us agonize over. I know I spent much of my lifetime doing so. They are words with great meaning and connotations, and one shouldn’t take them lightly.
“I love you.”
It’s an easy sentence to utter out loud. Eight letters in total. Three simple syllables. Or maybe not.
They are only three words – and short ones at that.
But for much of my life, they didn’t trip easily off my tongue. Quite the opposite. Saying them felt risky, scary even.
Because what if the person receiving them didn’t share my sentiment?
In this, I’m not just talking about romantic love. I’m talking about love for my parents, my sister, my friends. While I knew they all loved me – and me them – the words felt uncomfortable and foreign. Was there really a need to say them out loud?
Over time, I’ve grown to believe the answer to this question is, “Yes.”
I think maybe it started with my kids. They’ve taught me some of the most important lessons in life. One of those is about those three little words.
My husband and I made sure our kids heard those words frequently while they were growing up. And our I love you habit continued as they grew into adulthood.
But it was a family thing.
I’ve since grown to believe it has to go beyond family. Love is love and we shouldn’t be afraid to express that.
We honestly, truly, madly and deeply need to love one another.
When the world cut me to my core and took my great love from me I had a choice, to be bitter and denounce love or to embrace it all the more. It wasn’t an easy decision; in the end, I chose the latter.
The easy route – the default – would have been anger and resentment. Life cheated me. It would have been easy to embrace the negative.
And I probably did. But only momentarily, because none of the sad and sorrowful emotions did me any good. Feeling bad made me feel bad and I wanted to feel good. So I took the selfish route.
It sounds corny, but I chose love.
And I’m not afraid to say it: I love you.
The three words flow freely off my tongue.
I know that isn’t the case for everyone. Some people might think my “I love you” comes without real thought or feeling.
This isn’t the case.
It’s a decision I made – to love, after finding myself cut off at the knees with my face against the asphalt. I was at the bottom. It seemed life had been snatched away from me.
Despite the fog that descends upon you when you experience a great loss, I realized – with great clarity – that anger and bitterness and resentment wouldn’t do me any good.
I didn’t want to be angry or bitter. I wanted to find life again. I wanted to smile and to laugh.
I wanted to find joy.
And joy is seeded by love. It’s as simple as that.
It’s as simple as love in the everyday. Joy and love at the supermarket. Joy and love with a neighbor. Joy and love at the sound of a bird call. Joy and love upon finding a really good rock. Joy and love at the dog park.
Joy and love period. Everywhere. Because it can be that, if you make it that.
It isn’t easy. It isn’t going to change all the problems of the world.
But it isn’t going to hurt. And, I like to think it just might help.
In fact I’m betting on it.
